The Tao of Jace

It is high time that someone establish and promote excellence in verbal etiquette. That is, here’s a list of stupid things people do, and how to correct them:

1. Using pronouns without antecedents - I don’t know who the hell she is when our conversation has only just begun. Use names, as that is what those nifty inventions are for, jackass. See? That’s your new name, you know, if you think I can read through the vast emptiness of your mind, along with an example of how to use names.
2. Completely misunderstand your/you’re, their/there/they’re or its/it’s - The distinctions here are indeed subtle; but, with minimal application of your mental capacity, you too can figure this out. Just stop using contractions especially if you haven’t figured them out yet. Which is encouraging, seeing as most of the morons responsible for this faux pas are high school graduates. If you’re still having trouble, understand that your, their and its denote possession. That means there is some object or attribute in the sentence that belongs to the pronoun’s antecedent (see the point above). The only other thing to remember is that there will always be something you can point at, though your pointing may require the creation of various abstractions like graphs and time-lines. The other items are contractions and should be used accordingly.
3. Stop making assumptions regarding the knowledge of other people - I have a very specific example: Don’t expect me to know who all is on your team when you request some application for everyone on your team. There’s a whole lot of people on a whole lot of teams, and I don’t busy myself learning the position and association of each person to each team for the entire world. Disclose, plainly, who needs what so that I can get it done and get you off my back.
4. Quit driving so damn slow.
5. Use turn signals and turn lanes properly - you shouldn’t have to slow down in the traffic lane unless you’re in the presence of morons or other variations of the mentally inhibited, that is, most Midlanders. There is, however, no excuse for not following these guidelines when not submerged in a sea of stupidity.
6. Edit: Don’t ever interrupt someone - I’ve recently begun ending my side of dialog anytime someone interrupts me. If whatever it is you have to say is so much more important than what I was already saying, then please, by all means, share whatever trite comment is trickling through that canyon between your ears.

Following these simple guidelines will ensure that the net stupidity of the world is greatly decreased leading to happier, fuller lives for all of humanity. Or at least it’ll lower my blood pressure.